It seems like my impetigo has been here forever now, like it's just another part of me. I have started to forget what it's like to leave the house whenever I choose, having a new daily routine that I can change at a whim. Not getting up early for work should feel like luxury, but it feels more like I am trapped. Trapped against a desire for normality. Locked in a makeshift prison, albeit a very lovely one with a private garden!
Since I have been off work I have dreamt of going back, turning up and not having the inevitable questions "how are you?" "I haven't seen you in a while, where have you been?". Not that people showing compassion for me is a bad thing but when you prefer to be the wallflower it can be hard to answer a lot of questions.
I'm starting to hope now that I am finally get better, but every time I think I'm getting there my skin has other ideas.
I wanted to start writing these thoughts down as a way to take charge of my life as it stands, I also wanted to be able to document my struggles with the way my skin changes each week. Having a problem with my skin like this has made me feel ashamed. I'm ashamed when I venture out of the house to get prescriptions like I need to hide how I look so people don't stare at me.
It's interesting how much thought we put into what strangers are going to think of us for dealing with something out of our control. I think we are all guilty of thoughts about the way other people look. I also struggle with going out as I think that if someone I know sees me out they might question why I can't go to work. For now my focus needs to be on me and learning to change the way I think about myself. The sooner I can implement a more positive attitude towards myself the sooner my body can heal.
As I sit here contemplating what to write, I am hoping that there aren't many others out there suffering like I am. However, if there are and you happen to see this, feel free to contact me.